Michael Williamson

Farewell

2011-08-29T09:31:00.001-06:00

Well, I guess I can’t avoid writing this any longer. For quite awhile now I have been wondering if it were time for me to leave Amor Ministries. I went back and forth on the issue, so much so I was making myself just a little crazy. At the end of spring I finally came to the conclusion that it was time for me to leave. I did not want to leave the ministry during a busy time of the year so I decided that I would leave at the end of our summer season. Well, that time has come. As I write this I have three days left of work with Amor. I have been spending entirely too much time away from my family and it seems like this is best for all of us.

Jackie and I have decided to move back to El Paso. Shortly after I made the decision to leave the ministry she was offered her old job back with a raise. So since June 10^th she has been living in El Paso. That has made for a difficult summer as we have missed each other very much. There have be times that I traveled to Texas or she to Arizona so it has not been all summer long but I will be happy when we are living under the same roof again.

We bought a new house in mid July, and moved both Jackie a Danielle in. We used just about any down time I had to move our belongings into the house and it has started to feel like it is our home.

This has probably been one of the toughest decisions I have ever made. The work I have been doing with Amor Ministries has impacted my life in such a profound way it has become entangled with my heart and the separation is painful. There are so many people that I have met over the years that I can only imagine how much I will miss. The organization itself, the people who run it, well, I just can’t find the words that express my feelings and gratitude about the way you have impacted my life. Thank you all.

I don’t know where God is leading me at this time in my life. I am currently looking for work. I do however, trust that God will provide. He has proved that much to me over and over again. So as we move on into another season of life. I place my trust God and know that he still is not done with me. Where he is leading I will follow.

Good Year for Bad Days

2011-05-09T00:58:00.003-06:00

“I’m fine.” This is the phrase that most often rolls off of my tongue when someone has asked the almost obligatory question included in most American greetings “How are you?” It is generally a question that is asked not expecting much more of an answer then what I usually give. Unless asked by a very close friend and even then it will probably be followed by the “how are you really?” if it is the true answer they are looking for.

Lately I have not been able to answer “I’m fine” to that question. The best I have been able to do is “I’ll be fine” or “I’m, well, OK” but mostly I have noticed that when someone ask that question I struggle to find any positive response, and so I they are getting answers like “ I’ve had better days.”

It reminds me of a song by the Refreshments, Good year for bad days. The chorus says, “It’s been a good year for bad days, or a bad year for good days, well here we go again, yeah here we go again now”. When I have listened to that chorus in the past months it has resonated inside me. I know what that feels like. And as I look around I know I am not the only one who has been feeling this way.

This seems like the perfect place to just unload the whole list of tragic events that have taken place over the last few years. Yes it would be nice to sit here and have a pity party about it all. And actually over the past few weeks I have done just that. But I am not going to unload on you right now. You see, even though I still think there are many unfortunate events circling around my life and the lives of those around me, I still have my Creator, my Savior, my Lord, my God.

I recently took a trip to the top of a mountain and spent the time unplugged from work and family. I went to ask God what he is doing. I went to get direction as to what he wants me to do. I had specific questions that I wanted answers to, and I was determined to wrestle with God until he gave me those answers. I did not get the answers I was looking for, in fact God was remarkably silent about my questions. But I did find peace. I took my bible and I read. I read all of Matthew and some in psalms. I spent time praying and listening. And while I did not here the answers to what God is up to, I did hear him speak to my heart. He actually stopped me in the middle of reading Matthew with a strong burden to turn to psalms I ended up in Psalms 106 which is basically a short history of the Israelites after leaving Egyptian captivity. It describes the on again off again worship and disregard of our heavenly father. But at the end it says this;

⁴³ Many times he delivered them,
but they were bent on rebellion
and they wasted away in their sin.
⁴⁴ Yet he took note of their distress
when he heard their cry;
⁴⁵ for their sake he remembered his covenant
and out of his great love he relented.
⁴⁶ He caused all who held them captive
to show them mercy

I admit, shamefully, the passage reminds me of my own relationship with God. And while I am still uncertain of where God is leading me at this time in my life I am much more content to follow. There is a peace in knowing that God is showing mercy on me and that he hears my cry, that whatever has taken me captive is being made to show mercy. I am not sure when the troubles will pass. I don’t know that that will. But I know that I have to keep my trust in God because he alone can get me through. The difficulties are still here but they are God’s to deal with not mine I will trust he will guide me through. So if there are more bad days to come I say bring them on. I know where my strength comes from. And it is not me.

Ready or Not

2010-12-10T09:15:00.001-07:00

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10…

The POD shows up tomorrow. Jackie and I will start to fill it up with the boxes we have been packing. It is a strange feeling moving again. At this point in life I had hoped to be settled into one place and stay there, to buy a house and live the rest of my days there. Now we are trying to sell that house and move back to Arizona. We go to serve in an area that God has gifted to Amor and with it comes uncertainties and difficulties. It is strange that this move to Arizona fills me with more fear than our move to El Paso. We are going home in a sense and yet there is far more uncertainty to this move.

So why move? It is a fair question.

To be honest I have asked myself that question many times over the past year as I have oscillated back and forth over the right thing to do. If I had just any job it would be an easy answer. I would have quit long ago. I would stay right where I am, if only for the desire of my daughter to be near her friends or just the familiarity of this house that has become our home.

But, God is in the mix, the God who has offered me a life redeemed, despite my continued failings. I love Him and it is why I serve. It is why I came to work with Amor and it is why I cannot leave. I do not feel him leading me away from Amor. Through all the difficulties we have faced the past two years I have not felt led to leave. Now more than ever I feel he has asked me to endure the difficulties and uncertainties a while longer, to see them to a resolution.

So, we are moving. Uncertain of whether or not our house will sell. Uncertain if Jackie will find work. But knowing that God has been with us every step of the way thus far and we have no reason to doubt him now. I am sacred but I trust God and I know that no matter my circumstance He cares for me.

Arizona…

Ready or not, here we come.

This Mission of Love

2010-10-04T17:24:00.002-06:00

It is not really in my nature to solicit financial support. That sounds a bit odd considering that when I started working for Amor that was the only way I was going to earn a paycheck. But it is true I have never been very comfortable at asking for money. It is probably the reason I am so bad at fund raising. But, that is exactly what I am going to do.

Over the years Amor has gradually changed the way I have been paid so that now I don’t have to rely on your financial gifts to maintain a steady income. Unfortunately, I have to admit that that has made me lazy in my support raising. Like I said I was never very good at it and I relied heavily on my wife to supplement my pay in order to get by. But now that my pay does not fluctuate with the gifts you supply I really have let my responsibility for fund raising slide. As a result those that support me have dwindled to a faithful few.

You see, even though I now have a fixed salary the money for that salary needs to be raised by the ministry. Amor allows us to raise support to supplement our income an additional 10% to encourage us to continue raising support to cover our salaries. It should be easier for me to do. I no longer have to try to get people to support and to partner with me. Instead I get to ask people to join the efforts of a ministry that I truly believe in.

I love this ministry. I have loved it from the time I went on that first mission trip. I loved it the day I joined the team, and I love it eight years later. Why you may ask. Well, I have a one word answer to that question, “hope”. There are many things that Amor does and many of them are never seen by our participants. We are not just a house building ministry. We are a ministry that serves a group of pastors the likes of whose faithfulness is rare to come by. It is through these men and women that God offers hope to not only the physically poor but also to those poor spiritually.

I have also had the honor of seeing so many people, who come to serve by building homes, find hope in a world that seems filled with greed and selfishness. Hope that the world can see real change when injustice is so rampant.

So if you are so inclined please join us in this mission of hope. Really that word should be love. For it is out of God’s love that we have found hope and it is out this hope that that we find the strength to love. So if you are inclined to join us in this mission of love. Please do so.

You can donate online at: http://www.amor.org/give

If you what to support me specifically you can do so online here: https://www.amor.org/SSLPage.aspx?pid=444

Graduation

2010-06-14T22:01:00.002-06:00

1991 was the year I graduated from high school. I had dreams of becoming a famous well-paid graphic artist. And while I did eventually start a career in that field, God obviously had other plans for my life. 19 years later I watched as my son Robert received his diploma and my hopes for him are very different than hopes I had for myself at his age. His dreams are similar to the dreams I held then. He aspires to become a famous and well-paid surgeon. I would like nothing more than to see him reach his dream, but if I could I would change his focus from fame and riches to honoring God and serving others.

This year continues to test our resolve and trust in God (just so you know God is still winning our trust). As you know the past two years have brought many trials our way. This year has been no exception. Least of which has been the troubles afflicting the city of Juarez. It seems that family issues are much more difficult to bear especially when you realize you are no longer able to make the choices for your loved ones but have to watch them find their own way.

Three days ago Robert graduated from high school. Two days ago we held his graduation party. We showered him with gifts and held a feast in his honor. To the best of our ability we gave him our blessing to go into this world and be all that God has made him to be. Yesterday he left for Louisiana where he will be living with his grandparents while he attends Louisiana State University. It has been a very difficult process over the last few months, him trying hard to assert himself as an adult and us trying so hard to hold on to our child. When he told us a few weeks ago that he had decided not to return home after his student orientation I was both proud of him and sad at the same time. Time slipped away so quickly, something that when I was his age I had no understanding of, and now I feel like a spectator watching from the stands cheering on my team when I used to be the coach showing him how it was done.

We attended church yesterday before he left. Our church meets in downtown El Paso at a coffee shop, and every other week we hand out burritos to the homeless that are around the area. We had a lot of food leftover from the graduation party and only Jackie would be home for the next two weeks to eat it. I will be away working on the San Carlos Apache Reservation in Arizona. And we sent Danielle with Robert to visit her grandparents and see her brother off. So we had a lot of food left that would only go bad. So I took the left over rolls, brisket, and turkey and made sandwiches to hand out around downtown. As the others attended the service I quickly went about handing out the food. As I did this, I came across an elderly woman that appeared to be sleeping but I could not tell. I laid two sandwiches at her feet unsure if she was even alive. When I returned to church they were in the middle of a message from Matthew chapter 6:25 through 34, in a nutshell, don’t worry. As I sat there I thought about the woman on the street, I wondered how she would feel about that message. That she should not worry. I thought, “Easier said than done, God”. But then I heard the still small voice speaking to my heart. It said, “I fed her today.” And here I was thinking I had done that. As I sat and prayed I realized that this is what I want more than anything for my children that they allow themselves to be used by God.

We love both our children so much. And that love gives us a better understanding how our heavenly father loves us. So we will continue to follow where he leads no matter how hard the road.

Fifteen years ago

2010-04-26T21:04:00.002-06:00

Fifteen years ago Jackie was pregnant with my beautiful little girl Danielle, Robert was a cute nearly three-year-old little boy, and I was a young, naïve about just how fragile life is, man trying to make a yellow light before it turned red. I did make the light but in my haste I failed to see the tow truck that was running the red light for the crossing traffic. We entered the intersection in our newly purchased Toyota Tercel and were struck on the driver side door with enough force to spin the car around and push us into the oncoming lanes of the crossing street. Jackie immediately began to panic. It was a hyper ventilating scream that just kept repeating and repeating. Instinct kicked in for me. I looked around and saw that no one was majorly hurt at least not to look at us. But I knew that I had to calm Jackie down. Robert was starting to panic as he listened to his mom’s screams. I had to get out of that car so I could get Robert out. I tried to calm Jackie with little success. I was able to push the mangled door open with the help of someone who stopped to see if we were OK. I pulled Robert out and tried to calm him and then went to attend to his mom and was able to calm her. By then the ambulance was there to take Jackie to the hospital to check to see if Danielle was OK. Up to that point I had not allowed myself to think that anything could possibly be wrong. And as it turned out nothing was. The greatest injury sustained was the glass that imbedded itself in my arm when the driver side door window shattered. And I did not realize that until we were all at the hospital.

So, last Friday when I got the call telling me that my son was taking Danielle to the hospital for appendicitis, instinct kicked in once again. I knew I had to keep everyone calm. Jackie and I were nine hours away in Puerto Peñasco Mexico. I knew that I had to break the news to Jackie in such a way that she would not panic. I was only somewhat successful. I knew I had to take care of some things before I left, had I known just how serious the situation was I am not sure I could have done it. I just would not allow myself the thoughts that anything really bad could happen. We would take care of what we could and get on the road, and that is what we did. It was a long drive home. We had to get updates on Danielle by phone as we drove across Arizona and New Mexico. Danielle suffered a ruptured appendix and under went surgery and we could not get there to hold her hand. I still would not allow myself to think that she would not be alright. I told myself that the doctors handle this kind of thing all the time and she would be OK but that did not help the guilt I felt for not being able to be there. When we got to the hospital the surgery was over and they said everything went well and that she would likely be in the hospital for seven days to recover. So at that point I knew I was right that everything would be OK. But on Thursday nearly a week later, the doctors started to worry. Danielle’s white blood cell count was not coming down. She was taken in for a CT scan and they found two abscesses of infection. They wanted to do what they described as a simple non-surgical invasive radiology procedure, where they would insert catheters into the abscesses to drain the infection. But as I watched and waited outside I realized this was no simple procedure. As I watched Danielle try to recover from the “non” surgery I had no one to keep calm. I had no job to make sure was getting done. And I was having a hard time keeping myself calm, and I finally allowed myself to think about what my Daughter has been going through. I finally realized that I could have easily lost my little girl, and I realized that she had not yet past that threat. She has spent the last 11 days in the hospital and things are really starting to look good. Her white blood cell count has finally started to drop and the doctors think things are looking good. Tomorrow they will take her in for a CT scan to see if all the infections have been taken care of. Then maybe we will get to bring our little girl home.

I did not realize it but I have been doing the same thing for the last year and a half with my work. Trying to keep calm and trying to keep everyone around me calm. It is probably why I have had such a hard time writing any updates to my blog. I am sure most of you know that the situation in Mexico and especially Juarez Mexico has been very bad. Every time I sat down to write anything about it seemed to get worse. I have been trying to trust God that everything will work things out the way he wants. Or at least that he will use what ever happens for good. But I have to face the fact that what God sees as good is not always what I see as good. God could have taken Danielle from me. Things like that happen every day to people all over the world. God can and does use it for good. But I would not have seen it as good. Likewise I am having trouble in seeing how God is using the drug war in Mexico for his good. And for that reason I would write but I would not post because it sounded so negative. I am going to try not to do that anymore. I know that you all have supported me for so many years, through your prayers and through your gifts. I owe it to you to allow you to support me through this as well.

Many things have happened over the past year and a half. Many of you know about them but not all of you. In October 2008 I had to let a friend go that I had worked with for more then six years. Not long before, the violence from the drug war had really started to intensify. In December of 2008 he was dead, a victim of a shooting at a Juarez Gas station. I really struggled with it for quite a long time. In March 2009 the U.S. consulate released a warning that we had no information on and we made the decision to cancel all of the youth mission trips to our Chihuahua field that spring. We did a lot of investigating before we felt comfortable enough to allow groups to start coming back. Then we had the swine flew scare and what groups we did have started to cancel. In the summer of 2009 I drove by a shooting in the Juarez area. I was scared. It only took a few seconds, but I never drove the same way again. My eyes are constantly scanning the road for anything that looks suspicious. By the end of 2009 we had only built ten houses in the Chihuahua field. On a normal year we were building close to two hundred. 2010 started to look up some groups were starting to sign up for spring I was thinking that we might double or even triple the number of houses of 2009. However on the second day of our spring season in Chihuahua there was a shooting not far from our camp. Around the same time there was a shooting in Juarez claiming the lives of people with close ties to the U.S. consulate. The consulate evacuated all U.S. personnel. While our groups were not in danger we felt it was best to do the same. So four houses were left unfinished, and my thoughts of doing more houses this year left with the groups.

There is a good side to all this negative news. There was a donation made enabling our pastors to build seven homes for families that would not be receiving a home due to all of the violence. In light of the work that the pastors were already doing, the groups that were evacuated donated their funds so that the houses could be finished. So, ten houses will be built this year as well and the year is not over yet. Let’s hope God wants to do more. But if that is not what He wants. Let’s hope I am OK with it.

Nobody Gets a Smooth Ride

2009-06-30T10:59:00.005-06:00

Nobody gets a smooth ride.
Every child will learn how the asphalt burns
when he takes sharp turn too wide.
Nobody gets a smooth ride.
I'm really sorry the way things are going these days,
try to be careful, that's all I can say

“Nobody Gets a Smooth Ride” The Choir

As it is evident from some of my past post, I find much of my inspiration for these posts from music. I have been listening to the song above for a while now and when I hear it I can’t help but think of the situation that has enslaved Mexico over the past year. What can really be said but that this is a dangerous world and please try to be careful? It has had a major impact on the city of Juarez and the surrounding areas of Chihuahua. This is the place God has put me; it is the people of this area that I have fallen in love with. It pains me to know that because of fear we are unable to pour out Gods blessing on these people.

For some reason in 2007 we were unable to build a home for the Davalos Olague family. In 2008 we saw a large drop in the number of groups due to several factors one of which was the fear that has affected every ministry along the border. So, once again this family of six waited. Our pastors and field reps had to talk to them several times and ask them to be patient and wait on God. Needless to say, that this family as well as a few others became a high priority for us to build for in 2009. Unfortunately, the beginning of 2009 saw the violence in Juarez rise to an all time high. On top of that the swine flu made itself know to the world and Mexico became feared all the more. It was looking as though this family would have to wait even longer. The family told Alfredo Chavez, one of our operations coordinators, that they gave up hope. No one was coming to help. A few years ago our logo consisted of the phrase “Come build hope” and now so few are coming that this family lost all hope. They had made their home in an old eighteen-wheel trailer that must have felt like an oven in the summer and an ice box in the winter.

When we found out that First Baptist Church, Wichita was not going to cancel their trip I wasted no time in assigning them to the Davalos Olague family. This group came to offer hope and they were not going to let anything stop them. Just before their trip their numbers started to decline and they did not know if they could complete the size project that the Davalos Olague family needed. I kept telling them that their numbers were fine for a double even as I watched the numbers slip into what I would normally assign to a single. I just could not tell this family to wait again.

They came and they built that double with a little help from myself and Alfredo. The community leaders were so grateful that they offered to help by escorting the group to and from the worksite every day and by checking in on them through out the day to see that everyone was OK. They understand the fear and want to do all they can to ease that fear. It was one of the most trouble free weeks I have experienced in all my time working for Amor. And best of all after waiting two and half years, A hope lost became a hope restored.

At one of the nightly devotionals this group held we spoke about the situation in Mexico and how it was affecting the blessings that God wants to bestow on people. They were shocked at just how profound it has been. One of the members shared a story of one of his teachers that I will leave you with. He lived in Houston, TX and I believe it was hurricane Rita that was headed straight for them the streets were flooded and all his teachers canceled classes. When he asked his EMT teacher if classes were canceled, the teacher replied “We are EMT’s this is when we go to work”.

The world is a dangerous place. Please try to be careful, but if we follow Jesus;

This is when we go to work.

2009-04-06T16:25:00.000-06:00

I know it has been a while since I wrote my last blog. And I remember telling you that I would continue with all that had been going on, but most of that has been so overwhelming for me that I am still struggling to find the right way to put it all down in words. So, I’m just going to skip ahead and tell you what is going on now. I’ll try to come back to the rest of the story later.

You may have heard that due to the uncertainty of the situation in Cd. Juarez and with all of the news that has surrounded Mexico we redirected our youth group trips out of Chihuahua. Many chose to go to Puerto Penasco. So, T.J. and I have been here in Puerto Penasco for two weeks now.

It has been wonderful to been able to work with so many groups that have a commitment to serve no matter the risk. Out of all the groups that I have spoken with here only one said that that would have had canceled if we had not move them here.

That being said I am looking forward to April 8th so that I can go home and see my lovely wife and children. It is good to know though that Jackie has become so much a part of me and I of her that it is very difficult to be away this long. I love my family very much.

I had hoped with being here in Penasco, I would at least get to avoid the normal windstorms that we deal with and work through in Chihuahua, unfortunately that has not been the case. The wind here is terrible as well. Although I have gotten to take advantage of it from time to time and fly a kite that was sent out in a care package from San Diego. (Thank you to everyone who had a hand in that).

We have had a relatively easy trip so far, aside from a few snags. A minor car accident, one of our trucks broke down and was fixed in Phoenix, a participant broke his thumb. But the hardest to deal with by far was that we found out that the Juarez-Gonsalez family lost their thirteen-year-old son in an automobile accident the night before or group was scheduled to build their new home. T.J. had the difficult task of being the communicator to the family and he did a wonderful job. It was different from our normal work week to say the least. At a time when we normally would see a very happy and excited family, we instead watched as mother and father, sister and brother, aunt and uncle, and many other family members mourned the passing of a very young loved one. It was bittersweet. While we may have felt out of place and in the way the family was still glad we were there to provide their remaining five children a solid home. No matter how unimportant that felt to us at the time it was still appreciated by the family. By the end of the week I actually started to see some smiles on the faces of the children that lived there. This may be one of the most important homes we have ever built. I know that God is especially fond of this family, But then again I would have to say that about all the families we have built for. So, maybe they are all the most important homes we build.

The New Camp

2008-12-03T15:12:00.011-07:00

Things have been really kind of hectic for our slow season, and while there has been so much going on I really have not had much time to sit down and write. So, as I said there is much to share and I will try my best not to overwhelm you with a really long blog. It may end up being a series.

As you may have heard by now we were asked to leave the camp that we were renting in Juarez so that the land could be sold. That put us in a long a drawn out process looking for a piece of land that we could purchase. Well, we found that land located some 15 miles southeast of the city of Juarez. We borrowed money from our general operations fund to purchase the property and have begun the task of fund raising to pay that money back.

In September we made the move from the old camp to the new. And have begun construction on the fence (which should be finished any day now). We still need to build a warehouse for our tools but the camp is ready for groups. In fact we have had three groups there already. They all were very impressed at how quiet it is a luxury we did not get at the old camp. It is truly amazing how God provides. So we have been busy setting up showers and Baños. We have been doing our best to get pricing on water and electricity. We had the land cleared and as I already said have been we have been having a fence built. it has kept things interesting this year. I hope you enjoy the photos and I will try to update you on the rest soon

Eternity ?

2008-10-02T03:22:00.005-06:00

Do you think what we do today matters for eternity?

Are the choices you’re making now shaping you into the kind of person you’ll be forever?

Pretty heavy questions, Huh? I thought so too. They came from a video study we are doing as our fall bible study at Amor. Honestly I never really considered eternity, I really only thought about how I was living this life with the realization that I will not live forever. As I thought about it I realized that no matter how we choose to live this life there is an existence after we pass away. Really I have been trying hard to align my self with Gods will so that my existence will be with him. But today I realized that there is an eternity of death if we choose not to live as God created us to live. It made those two questions so important. We can’t just sit around here expecting to be with God in heaven if we are not trying to live with him here and now. I started to see how the choices we make either align with God or they don’t. The more we align with God in our lifetime the easier it will be to be that kind of person in eternity, the same being true if we choose to live our way instead of God’s.

I suppose I really want to choose God’s way over my own, although, not out of a desire to go to heaven and not that I always succeed. Rather, because I am stunned by his love for me even though I have chosen to live in opposition to his plan so many times. I really only considered an eternity with God as a place I did not deserve to be, but I sure did not want the alternative. These questions made me realize that God is giving me this life so I can become someone who will learn to partner with God for all of eternity and I get to practice it right here right now.

This is why I love the work I do with Amor. I know there are many who think that we don’t evangelize so it is not a valid ministry. They are wrong, we do. We just do it through the local church; many people that work with us never see it. But back to the point, loving people is aligning with God’s will. That is what we do when we build homes, when we serve groups, when we provide food or school supplies and when we share our faith in God’s love. It is what you do when you support us financially or through prayer. The love and emotion I see when a family receives the key to their new home never fails to leave me standing in awe. I hope I never stop wanting to draw closer to God and choosing His way over mine.

“May you believe that death has been taken care of and you can be a partner with God in redeeming and restoring this fallen broken, hurting world. That you can literally be a partner with god in making this the kind of place that God originally intended it to be.”
Nooma video “Trees”

Encouragement

2008-08-18T08:46:00.005-06:00

It is not hard to love your job when people do things like this. I had a wonderful time working with this group from Colorado. I hope they come back. With or without me they would have had a great trip I know because they are a great group. Still, it is the small things like this that make the difference in how a day can go. I should do more of this myself.

2008-05-05T20:57:00.000-06:00

I don’t know what to write about. I know I have not written in such a long time. But, I have been struggling with words lately. I guess this is what writers go through when they have writers block. Someone once told me that I just need to sit down and start writing and things will eventually come.

I was just looking over some of my past post and realized that I never told you about Dan. Dan Smith was hired on to take my place in the field. He has been doing a wonderful job. He is a delightful person to be around and he works very well with our groups. He started last summer and just went through his first spring. I think he is a good addition to our team and I pray that he feels led to stick around for awhile.

Wind! I have lived here six years now and I have not come to terms with this wind. I know I am supposed to be awed by God’s creation and as a Christian thankful for all things including the sand blasting wind. But I’ve got to say after six years I am sick and tired of wind. If Chicago is the windy city I never want to visit. I have been walking outside and when the slightest breeze hits me my first thought is “oh no, not again!” I suppose I’ll get over this funk about the wind sooner or later, but to tell the truth I’d just rather it stop. Oh yeah, I heard the news today guess what? That’s right… more wind.

You may have heard me say something about us trying to purchase a new property for our camp in Cd. Juarez. Well it’s been over a year but I think we are just about to sign on the deal here real soon. Things are looking good.

Last Sunday I was asked to speak at our church and explain what I do with Amor, a little about the ministry, and how people can get involved. It is amazing how God uses something so simple to remind me why I am here. Even now I get so tangled up in my own thoughts of my unworthiness that I end up wondering if I am being effectively used by God. As Listened to my own words and those of the others asked to speak, I was reminded that God just wants me to be willing. He can use me if I am willing, and I am honored that despite my short comings he is using me to help bring his kingdom to us here on earth.

Well would you look at that there are actually words on the page. I guess the person that told me told just start writing was right after all.

A Heartbreaking Separation

2007-09-04T13:52:00.000-06:00

I have been putting off writing this for quite some time now. I know I need to let you know what has been going on, but it is just so much easier to write about the good that happens rather than the hardships. Besides it was better to keep quite for awhile to avoid making things worse for all involved.

As you may recall About 2 years ago Jackie took a job with the church we had been attending. She started working in the office of the school they run. Being in the position she was she saw quite a lot that was not being handled in ways she thought they should, especially for a Christian ministry. One of the things we have come to admire about Amor Ministries is their desire to do ministries above reproach. It is not something that seemed to be of the utmost importance to the school.

At first I thought that it was just an adjustment that Jackie had to get used. Most of us put people in ministry on a level above ourselves and expect that they have it all figured out and under control. When in reality we don’t we have just given ourselves to God to be used by him despite our shortcomings. In this way, we know when good is done through us it is only God who deserves the credit and praise. At first I thought that Jackie was adjusting this realization. To my shame I was wrong and I ended up hurting my wife with my words. To her it seemed that I did not believe her. I did believe but looking back I can see how my words led her to that conclusion.

About a year after she started working at the school Jackie had determined that she would not just sit back and allow things to continue without opposition. So she spoke her mind freely about the things that she felt were wrong. This led to many nights coming home crying about the way she was being treated. They honestly got mean. She was accused of gossiping and trying to bring down the church. Now, Jackie is a talker she and others in the school that saw what was really happening talked about it but they spoke the truth. Jackie was the only one that spoke up about it to the director. At which point she was called a witch. They used scripture to try and validate the point.
1 Samuel 15:23 For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the LORD, he hath also rejected thee from being king.
They said that because she was rebelling against them that she was like a witch. I could not allow this and confronted the church. Her rebellion was against the acts she witness that were wrong, not against God as the scripture indicated. Over the next year we fought together to bring reconciliation to ourselves and the church leaders and tried to point out that work needed to be done to restore the church to what it should be. But all our efforts were met with what appeared to us as indifference. They just did not care. I eventually started telling Jackie that it was time to leave but she stayed because she felt that God had put her there for this reason. It was about this time we found a new church to worship at.

About a month ago Jackie was put on suspension. They sighted complaints from parents that she spoke down of the school as the reason. We were informed later by friends in the church that this was not the case. Instead it came from a letter that was written to the church asking questions about what was going on based on a conversation that took place with Jackie and another former member of the church about why we no longer attended the church. Jackie was told that if she chose to return she would have to change her attitude. We took this to mean Shut up or get out. Jackie finally had enough and decided not to return.

I am writing this to you so you know what has been going on over the last couple of years so if I bring it up in the future you won’t be completely lost. There are some of you on my mailing list that still attend the church. I want you to know that while we have been accused of trying to tear the church down, we really only wanted to build it up. If I don’t address the problems in my own life then I don’t grow. I believe the same is true for the church. We wish the church well and we continue to pray for it. I admit it has been really hard to love the people we were at odds with for so long, but by Gods grace we do still love them. Unfortunately the reports we here from friends are not encouraging. It looks as though it will all be swept under the rug. I pray that God will straighten it all out. There are far too many good sisters and brothers still there to wish ill on the church. For their sake I pray for a great revival in the church.

For now we have found a wonderful church to attend here in El Paso. Jackie is still searching for work and things have gotten really tight financially speaking. But I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of our family. I know God will provide for our needs. So I just have to keep trusting that he has our best interest in mind.

We are here for the Least of these…

2007-08-01T09:37:00.000-06:00

I would like to share this story with you it comes to me from our Mexico Minisrty Coordinator Lydia Lozano. She runs these outreaches in all the cities we work in as well as here in Juarez.

We are here for the Least of these…

Each year our Mexico Ministry Planning Board holds a community outreach sponsored by an Amor group. This year our Tijuana pastors hosted an outreach in the community of Terrazas sponsored by the Trader’s Point Christian Church of Indianapolis.

It is amazing to see the connection between our Amor pastors and the “American” groups. TPCC was so excited to make such a huge investment into the Kingdom of God. They met the Tijuana pastors and worked along side them to reach about 500 people at the outreach. Most of which were children.

One thing that stood out for me was the following story of a family of seven who came to the outreach.

An Amor Ministries outreach includes fun games for the kids, crafts, small lunch, and a message of salvation for all to hear. All these festivities are free to everyone who comes and there are many opportunities to share the love of God to the hurting. Children from all over the community came to play games and win prizes. Laughter rang through the hills. Each participant had a job to do. Either they were manning the game booths, helping little hands with crafts, making ham sandwiches or talking one on one with a hungry soul.

The pastors were busy talking to families that Amor Ministries has built houses for letting them know that all this was a gift from God to them. One lady came up to me with such an expression of joy as she shared that she was grateful to Pastor Eusebio Haros (one of the Tijuana pastors) for connecting her with Amor Ministries. Now she and her family have a home to enjoy and the love of God made such an impact in her life.

Still there was one particular family that really touched my heart. In all the chaos of children running around having fun there was a family of seven who stood in the middle of everything looking a little bewildered. A father, mother, and five children huddled together as they tried to figure out what was going on.

I noticed that they were carrying buggies, boxes, bags, and a little cart full of scrap metal. The families’ clothes were worn and dirty from foraging through mounds of trash to find a little metal to exchange at the recycling mill for money. Yadira and I explained to them that this was free to them and that the children could play games and win prizes.

At first the children felt embarrassed because of their clothes, but with a gentle nudge of their father the children tentatively made their way to the games. The father stayed close to his kids and the mother stood watch over their things. I loved seeing how the father would rejoice with his kids when they would win at a game. I marveled that this family took time for their kids to have fun. I was touched when I saw the kids bring their tickets to their mother so that she could “buy” something at the prize table.

She chose a handmade quilt which she continually caressed with her calloused hands. They made a connection with our pastors who will help them as much as they can. I even had a chance to introduce Stan (TPCC trip coordinator) to them. I told Stan that if this outreach was for only this family it was all worth it.

I asked the mother if she would allow Stan and I to pray for her and her family. She happily agreed and we prayed together knowing that God heard our cry. The family had to leave so I made sure to pack them a good lunch and gave them a Bible.

All this happened because of someone who took the time to care. The outcast of the world met with the eternal love of God. It reminded me of the story of Jesus when he spoke to the Samaritan woman. She was an outcast of society yet He took time to give her what she needed most….love. Thank you for that opportunity to love people into the Kingdom!

Praying for Nathan

2007-06-24T00:36:00.001-06:00

In the five years that I have worked for Amor Ministries I have never had the troubles crossing the border the way I did just two weeks ago. We got turned away from the border three different times at two different border crossings in the course of two days. Twice they took issue with the buses our groups were bringing and once with a rather large trailer. In all it took me about 14 hours to cross three groups. I can normally cross one group in about an hour.

Needless to say it was a very frustrating weekend. I was temped to ask God what he was thinking in allowing such troubles, but I kept reminding myself that God’s ways are higher then my ways and his thoughts higher than mine. With that in mind I started asking God to open my eyes to what ever it may be that he was trying to show me. And he did.

While attempting to cross the border with a rather large trailer for the second time, the border guards turned us away because the group had pack a lot of items to give away while on their trip (they failed to inform me of this). You can only do this at one border and you need a permit which is a really big hassle so we just don’t do it. So my plan was to take the group to our office in El Paso unload the donations and the try it again. As we were being put in the line to cross the border back into the U.S. one of the border guards asked me a question. At first I did not understand because he was talking to me in English and his knowledge of it was about as good as mine of Spanish. I thought he was trying to tell me that we should have just paid him off, but being unsure I asked him to repeat himself. As it turned out he was asking me to pray for him. He also asked me to pray for his family and his church. I remember the wave of emotion that came over me as I realized that God had put us there for this very reason. So I asked his name (Nathan) and I have been praying for him ever since.

The next day I was turned away from the border that we normally cross with a very small bus and sent back to the down town border crossing. An unusual event for one day indeed but two days in a row was getting on my nerves. As I crossed the border I was pulled into secondary and who should be the one inspecting my vehicle but Nathan. I stood amazed at the opportunity’s God gives us as he finished his inspection and let me cross. Before I left I called him by his name (he seemed surprised that I remembered) and let him know that I was praying for him and that others would be as well. So if you are willing I want to ask that you join me in praying for Nathan, his family and his church. I know God will work wonders if we are faithful.

All Nations Seminary

2007-06-08T06:24:00.001-06:00

We just finished an amazing week working at All Nations Seminary, and I just wanted to share a little bit of it with you.

Beauty from Pain

2007-05-29T08:45:00.000-06:00

Awhile back I was driving home from Juarez. On the car in front of me was a sticker that I am sure you have seen. It has become one that I see on quite a regular basis. It is the little boy Calvin from the famous comic strip Calvin and Hobbes. I remember when I was a boy sitting around the breakfast table waiting for my parents to finish with that particular section of the morning paper so that I could read the comics. Calvin was one of my favorites. I cringe now when I see him on the back of someone’s car, for what started out as someone’s clever way to state their loyalty to one car company or another has become a way to put down anything or anyone that causes us pain. By now I’m sure you have seen the mischievous little boy standing with his back to you looking over his shoulder while he urinates on something we are to assume the driver of the car does not like. On the car in front of me this particular day he was urinating on the words EX-WIFE. My heart sank as I read the words. I couldn’t understand how someone could come to hate someone that they used to love with such venom as to post it for all to see. As a sat there I realized that this is all too common a thing for us. You see I really don’t think he hates his Ex-wife I think he hate the pain he feels because of the relationship that they failed to hold together. We all hate pain. I don’t know anyone who truly likes it. I remember the pain that I felt when my high school sweetheart of three years broke up with me. I can’t say I felt much different than then the person sitting in that car in front of me, and looking back now I wish I had handled it better then I did. I don’t like pain anymore then the next person, But I have learned that if we let it pain can make us grow.

I guess that is why it love the work I do with Amor so much. When you really take a close look at one of our mission trips you realize it is full of pain. You are out side in the elements, the hot beating sun, the wind blown sand, some rain now and again, and on the rare occasion snow. You work all day to come back to camp only to find that you have to set up your tents because the wind has knocked them down. Someone one your team is going to hit themselves with a hammer sometimes repeatedly. You can bet the more then a few will have bad sunburns. You have to use an outhouse that you can’t stand to breathe in. Flat tires, broken down vans, cuts, scrapes, aches and pain it all goes hand in hand with one of our trips.

So why would over 25,000 people choose to put themselves through this every year. Why aren’t they running from the pain? Why don’t you see Calvin urinating on Amor’s name, or any other mission trip organization? Maybe it is because with Jesus we grow through our pain. Jesus endured an excruciating amount of pain to show his love for you and me. These groups endure a small amount of pain to show their love for Jesus and their fellow man. When we start to realize that we are not the ones that matter but instead we serve the one the matters. Pain is just a side effect, a passing event that will be replaced with joy. At the end of nearly every trip I see smiles on faces, on the families that receive and the groups that give. I have yet to see any amount of pain ever take that away.

A Very Different Year

2007-04-23T11:02:00.000-06:00

What an amazing spring we had this year. Looking back over the past years I have worked here I have never had a spring go so smoothly. We even had beautiful weather. Normally during spring we have many days of hard wind which can make for some grueling work days. But this year I believe there were only a couple of days of wind at all and they were not near as bad as I have seen in the past.

It was a very different year for me however, I was not the one out there constantly with groups. My roll this year was that of supporting the staff; Eric, Howie, and T.J. They all did a wonderful job for our groups. I had many groups express their appreciation of each of them. We also had much more volunteer help this year then I can remember in the past. It made for some busy weekends getting them settled in and trained but it was all worth it. They laid the ground for an exceptional spring by getting all of our prep work done early and taking the load off of our staff on work site lead out days. I can’t express how grateful I am for each of our volunteers.

This is the first spring that I have not spent all of my time in the field working along side the groups. I remember the first day after getting the groups settled into camp I spent some time visiting with the groups and then as I got in my vehicle to go home for the night, I felt a little sick driving out of camp. I realized that there is a big part of me that is going to miss being there in the field ready to act on whatever comes up. There is such a bonding that occurs when you spend that much time with groups trying to assist them in their mission. While I really enjoy my new roll, I know I will miss that more then anything. Thinking back on it now I am glad for that little bit of heartache. It tells me that I really do care for those that I serve. Anything we do can easily become just a job. There are times that I ask myself if I am letting that happen to me here at Amor Ministries. I think if I ever answered yes to that question it would be time for a change. But I know my heart is still in it, the many lives that are touched by this ministry continue to touch mine. I cannot see this as just a job when it impacts my life so profoundly.

Overprotective Frustrations

2006-12-14T09:37:00.000-07:00

In November I went to Puerto Peñasco a.k.a. Rocky Point. Since then I have been turning over and over in my head just how I wanted to share the experience with you. There were so many things that happened and some that were hard to handle that I am still not sure if I can truly relate how I feel about it.

Since I started working with Amor Ministries, I have found that more and more I am increasingly becoming attached to the groups I work with. You see, God has placed a burden on my heart to care for my groups. Not only to care for them but to take care of them, to provide all that I can to help them make their trip successful. Admittedly there are times that I fail to live up to that calling, and other times things arise that are just out of my control. Puerto Peñasco provided plenty of circumstances that I had no control over. It left me feeling helpless.

I remember when my daughter was born the doctor used some sort of suction cup on her head to assist in removing her from her mother. I watched in horror as it deformed her head to the shape of the cup. I really wanted to hit the doctor for doing that to my baby, but I knew he had done this many times before and logic told me it was going to be alright. Even so, I could not help the overprotective feeling that was raging inside, yet my not being a doctor left me in a position to do nothing. Puerto Peñasco brought that same feeling about my groups because there was nothing I could do but pray.

One of the joys I bring away from going to Puerto Peñasco is the fact that I get to work with Central Christian Church my home church in Mesa, AZ. This year I also worked with St. Simon and Jude and American Evangelical Lutheran. I enjoy the fellowship with each of these groups and hope to see them return.

Unfortunately each of these groups had and accident on their trip. St. Simon and Jude’s accident turned out to be a minor cut from a board falling on the head of one of their students and they were able to return to the project. But Central and American Lutheran’s were major accidents.

Central had a man fall from the roof resulting in serious head and back injuries. Last I heard he was still in the hospital starting rehabilitation. American Lutheran had a major traffic accident with a dump truck on their way out of camp as they headed for home. It appeared that no one had major injuries but one man was taken to the United States to be checked for a concussion. I still have heard nothing further about him.

Needless to say it was a long hard trip, when I turned to God, I felt like I was watching that doctor again wondering what the heck he was doing, but knowing he knows best. I painfully praised God because I know he works all thing together for the good of those who love Him. I certainly love Him, and I am sure these groups love Him also. So, my only conclusion is that it has to work for good somewhere down the road.

When I finally returned home I let myself grieve over the pain my groups felt and the pain of helplessness that I felt. I sat in my truck listening to the words of this song and finally broke down and wept;

No Doubt by Petra
There are times when you feel like you can't go on
There are times when you feel like giving in
And there are times when you feel like you can't try anymore
There are times of trouble in believing
This test of your faith will last
As long as it takes to pass
Till you have no more doubt you'll endure
And your faith will emerge true and pure

There's a time to take a reckless leap of faith
There's a time to be cautious and to wait
And there's a way of learning from the past
That this time of trouble won't last
And sometimes we want to think we know
The ways He will choose to make us grow
But it's never the way of our choosing
And we can't always see what He's using

There will be winters in the seasons of our soul
With a cold and bitter wind that chills our lives
But our faith can be building a fire
That will warm us till springtime arrives

No doubt it'll be alright
With God it'll work together for good
No doubt in the end it will be understood
No doubt it'll all work out
With faith He can move any mountain for us
No doubt in the power of Jesus
And after all is done we find out
All we really need to have is no doubt

The Forgotten Heart

2006-10-27T09:50:00.000-06:00

I knew I was going to miss something. And now I am going to sound like a horrible son-in-law. I had my mind so set on ministry related items that I completely forgot that I have not in formed you of my mother-in-laws surgery.

Before we came to El Paso about 5 or 6 years ago she had a heart attack. The doctors put some stints in. This past August she was supposed to go in and have a few more stints put in but while at the hospitals the doctors discovered that the damage was far worse than originally thought. They kept her there to do a bypass procedure. It ended up being five arteries that they were able to bypass. The surgery went well and the healing has been going well also. It was however, a very stressful time for all of us, but it seems that everyone is pulling through fine. She has been going to cardio rehab (which is about an hour of exercise three times a week), and she is doing very well.

There has been some benefit for me as well, the change in diet and the walking I do while waiting for her to finish the rehab is causing me to lose some weight, so far about 9 pounds.

overdue update

2006-10-26T16:26:00.000-06:00

All my life I have always been the type of person that thinks about what I am going to say before I say it. I suppose that is a good habit. It certainly has kept me from putting my foot in my mouth form time to time (of course there are still times that my mental filters don’t work). But, I find that it can also hinder my ability to hold good conversations. There have been countless conversations that have passed me by because I was reviewing my response to a certain topic only to find that the conversation had moved on to something entirely different. Writing to you has been a wonderfully different experience. I am completely in control of the conversation and can take all the time I feel necessary to find the right words to communicate my thoughts. Until now that has suited me quite well. Since the end of summer I have been processing my thoughts in order to fill you in on all that has transpired since my last correspondence, only to have something else come along which changed the whole thought process of what I wanted to be the topic of this letter. Needless to say there are many things that I need to share and I scarcely know where to begin. So, I have finally decided that I had better just sit down a write. (at least I can edit it later if I don’t like how it comes out)

As you read in my last letter Juarez and El Paso got hit with more then a fair amount of rain which caused flooding in both cities. I don’t have the numbers for Juarez but 325 families are being forced to rebuild their homes or relocate in El Paso alone (that does not include businesses). Given the conditions I see every day in Juarez, I have to believe the numbers are higher there. We at Amor have been collecting household items and clothing in an effort to help families rebuild. We are also starting a special push for next year hoping to bring extra groups to help rebuild Juarez.

You may remember that we have been without a field manager in El Paso/Juarez for quite some time now. That position has been offered to me and I have accepted it. I was unsure if the position was right for me, but so many people asked me why I didn’t take it, that I began to wonder if it may be God prompting me to take the position. So I told Amor that I was interested in the position but only if everyone agreed I was the right person for the job. Well I suppose they felt I was right because here I am. I am still a bit nervous about it though. Over the passed year God has really impressed upon me that I am exactly where he wants me, and I could see the gifts he gave to me working so well in my former position. Taking on this new position has caused me to question if my gifts fit it well or not. I know that God is constantly refining me and He certainly has the ability to give new gifts to fit my situation. But, it has been my experience that he makes me grow through trials, and while I am willing to face the trails that are in store, I have to admit the uncertainty of what might come my way scares me. I don’t want to fail him. And looking back at my history, I would have to believe that I will fail at some point. My hope is that I don’t let one failure defeat me.

This may sound a bit redundant but with my acceptance of the field manager position, my former field specialist position is now open. I am sure that God will provide the correct person for the position. But, it can’t hurt to have your petitions for just such an outcome as well.

This month we were informed that the gentleman who we rent our campground from is trying to sell and has apparently found a buyer. That would mean that we would need to find new property to use as a campground. We still have not received any written notification of the pending sell. So we are not sure what it all means just yet, but if you would please keep this issue in prayer it would be very much appreciated. It has our staff here a little worried (none more then our camp caretaker who lives at camp). I know God will work it all out for the good but I am not looking forward to moving.

We recently started a bible study that has been such a blessing to us here in El Paso/Juarez. It is something that was supposed happen every fall but it was never something we did together. Over the past month or two the Mexican staff and I have been meeting to study scripture, and share our struggles, concerns, needs and observations. God has been working in a mighty way to bind us together not just as coworkers but as brothers. I pray that we use what we are learning to become better servants to God, the groups we work with, the families we build for, our pastor’s board and all people.

Well those are the major items that I wanted to share, I am sure I’ve left something out. Just know that with all that has been going on I have not stopped thinking about you. Your support, whether financial or spiritual, sustains me. It would be extremely difficult to continue without you.

Soggy Desert

2006-08-05T22:50:00.000-06:00

It may have been a slow summer for us with regards to the number of groups we have come to build homes. But the last month has been anything but uneventful. Rain has been causing trouble all month with the worst of it coming in the last week or so.

At the beginning of the month there was a rainstorm that over flowed the dam of one of the water reservoirs in Juarez causing flooding that killed six people. For the last week and a half there has been so much water dumped on El Paso and Juarez that reservoirs are overflowing all over the place. Another person was found dead in the rushing waters, and a least two more died in flood related traffic accidents.

There were a few days that we were worried one of the dams would break altogether sending some 600 million gallons of water through two miles of housing before it would reach the Rio Grande. Crews worked for three days straight to empty that reservoir, and they succeeded. (To the relief of both residents in Juarez and El Paso because there was a fear that it would rush over the levies of the river and pour into down town El Paso.) At one point during all the rain the river came very close to topping the levies and pouring out into both cities

This being the desert, the two cities are not prepared to handle the kind of water that we have been seeing, and rightly so. The 30-year average rainfall is slightly over nine inches and some places around the city have seen up to five inches in less then a day. The damage has been substantial to say the least. I am surprised more lives have not been lost.

Although the rain is letting up some, we are not completely out of danger yet. The ground is completely saturated, leaving nowhere for water to go should we get more rain. Unfortunately there is more rain in the forecast.

Below are some picture I took of the damage.

this is the reservoir that we were worried about

More House photos

2006-06-18T11:14:00.000-06:00

here are some more photos of our house.

We purchased our first home

2006-05-15T23:56:00.000-06:00

As some of you now know (and many of you don't) we just bought our first home. we really did not think it would happen but everything went so smoothly. It was clear that Gods hand was on this purchase.

We are so excited and want to share some photos with you. I'll put up more later becuase some of the pics I took really did not come out so good, but here are a few to give you a feel of the house.

Support

2006-05-02T23:33:00.000-06:00

If you would like to support us in this ministry please send payments to:

Amor ministries
1664 precision Park Lane
San Diego, CA 92173

Please write MWIL on checks or money orders if you would like your donation to go towards my financial support.

Thank you for making your tax-deductible donation today. Contributions are solicited with the understanding that Amor Ministries has discretion and control over the use of all donated funds.

A Weary Heart Renewed

2006-05-02T23:20:00.000-06:00

I never realized that there would be times as a servant of God that I would become weary. Times that I would doubt Gods power or even his existence. But I have found it to be true. There are times when I grow weary and wonder if I will have the strength to finish this race. There are times that I wonder if I should stumble again will I have the strength to get back up and move steadily toward the goal. There are times that I wonder if I will make it to the awaiting arms of my heavenly father.

Those times are daunting. They drain the energy form me. Unfortunately these are times that I have stopped relying on Gods strength to sustain me and tried to hold myself up by my own strength. Over the last couple of months this is what I have been going through. This is not how God made me. He made me weak so that through Him I could be made strong. He made me to be dependent on him.

Fortunately God’s grace has a way of renewing me and bringing me back into His strength and support. He always sheds His light on my path and shows me the way home. He reminds me who he is. About a week ago I got a reminder.

A group from my home church in Mesa, AZ came out to build a home and to encourage Jackie, the kids and me. It was wonderful to have them here and to work so closely with them.

While they were here we attended a church service in Juarez. And it was so apparent that God had planned the day. When we arrived at the church they that asked if any of us would like to speak, and two of us got up and gave testimonies of how God had changed our lives and showed us the love of Jesus. It was an emotional time for me. My heart was starting to soften and I could see that I was the one causing my doubts and struggles. And that is just were God wanted me for the remainder of the service. You see they had a guest speaker that day and he gave his testimony, and it was a powerful reminder of Gods ability to work miracles in the hearts of men. I don’t think my eyes were dry at any time during the rest of the service.

“Six years ago my appearance was very different” he began, and went on to tell that six years prior he dressed like a woman. He had the body of a woman. He had breast of a woman. He filled his body with female hormones. And for twenty years he lived the life of a homosexual transvestite. People in the communities would see going with men and called him crazy.

But one woman looked past his appearance and saw his heart. She told him of Jesus’ love for him and that he had to change. He told her that he was happy the way he was and she should leave him alone. But she wouldn’t, she told him he could not be happy the way he was living because that is not how God made him. She told him how he felt in his heart and he wondered how she could know exactly how he felt. God used her to bring him to faith in God.

Jesus can do all things. People told him no women would want him, but God gave him a wife. The doctors told him that you are born a homosexual and you cannot change, but God changed his desires. The doctors told him the hormones had ruin any chance of him having children, but God gave him two kids.

With tears running down my face I remembered Gods power. I love this king of kings
And I will serve him until I die, and hopefully into eternity. I make mistakes and I lose sight, but my trust will remain in the Lord. I see his power way too much to deny him his just praise.

At the end of the service God blessed each one of us through the people of that church. They laid hand on us and prayed for us. It is something I really can’t put into words, but a peace came over me. The only way to describe it is the peace that passes understanding. It is a knowledge that you have been forgiven and you owe nothing for it. It spawns a love in my heart that I want everyone to know, but there is only one source and the source is God the Father.

Beautiful Sorrow

2006-03-25T14:50:00.000-07:00

Every year we have volunteers come down to help us with our workload through project Barnabus. These people are a huge blessing to us, and since I started working here there has been one that comes every year once in the spring and once in the summer. His name is Keith Bird. I would like to relay to you an experience God blessed him with while here.

Keith loves to work with brand new groups. He delights in being able to share the knowledge he has learned over the years, and most groups are delighted to have such help. This year the Sigma Phi lambda Sorority from Waco, Texas came to build a home and he was fortunate enough to be assigned to this group.

The group worked the first day on the foundation and a few walls. That night mother of the woman of the house passed away.

As Keith and his group returned the next day they learned of the occurrence, and were unsure of how to proceed. I had never had anything like this happen before either, so they decided to finish the construction of the walls away from the site and stand walls the following day.

Somewhere in the course of the day Keith thought that it might be nice to have a Spanish-speaking pastor visit with the family and allow the group to show their concern for the family. As it so happened there was just such a pastor in another group the he was assigned to.

The family had cleared a room in their small pallet shack and the brand new shiny coffin seemed so out of place in that small run down room. They left the coffin open and explained to the group that she so wanted to see the new house and so the coffin stayed open. The pastor came and related the condolences of the group to the family. He gave a small service and sang some songs and played his guitar.

As Keith told me this story he choked back the tears as he recounted how beautiful the service was. He told me that one gentleman in the family accepted Christ as his savior. I was also fighting back the tears just hearing the story.

The family was gone, busy with all the arraignments and burial, the rest of the time their new home was being constructed. It was so wonderful to see the extra care that went into this house. There was not big presentation to the family. The group left quietly leaving the keys with the neighbor. But in my heart I know the family can see how much the group cared for them. It showed in their work.

Keith told me it was the most beautiful thing he had seen in the five years he has been coming to serve. I am so blessed to know these people.

Thank you God.

I want to share some photos with you.

2006-03-25T07:21:00.000-07:00

The Impact of One

2006-03-19T03:53:00.000-07:00

So far this spring I have been privileged to see about 1000 group participants come to Juarez to build 44 houses in the course of two weeks. As I sit here and really think about what it means I am struck by the huge numbers of people that are affected by an act of love in Jesus name.

If you consider that most families we build for are 4 to 6 members in size. 220 Mexican family members in the last two weeks that have been directly touched by Gods love in Juarez alone. Those that serve are also affected, bringing the numbers to 1220, and that does not even scratch the surface of the potential numbers of people who could receive a blessing from this simple act of love and service. Family, friends, neighbors, of both participants and Mexican families could be indirectly affected. Who really knows what that number could be save God himself?

I want share with you a story of how one young man (Brent) has changed the lives of his entire family and had a huge impact on his church and the work they do on mission trips. Brent was finishing high school and preparing to go to college. He had been saving his money to buy a computer to help him with his studies while at college. His mom (Lori) told me that this computer was his life at that time. You just couldn’t get him to stop talking about it.

At the same time his mom was planning the churches first Mexico mission trip for the youth group. She told Brent that she thought she was going to have to cancel the trip because they did not have enough people signing up.

Brent said to his mom, “ You know if I sign up for the trip more people will go.”
Lori said, “ I know.”
“So, do you want me to sign up?” He asked
She replied, “ That is a decision you have to make for yourself.

The next morning Brent told his mom that he was going to sign up for the trip. They had a small group of fourteen people come to Juarez to build their first home. Lori told me that Brent complained most of the time he was here. He would tell her he was hot, tired and just wanted to go home because he had to get ready for school. But one night right before they finished I was asked to stop by their campfire. I did, and while I was there I answered many questions about Amor and the work we do. But, somewhere along the way I was asked how much the house cost to build, and when I answered unknown to me, Brent was amazed. He later told he mom that the amount I said was the amount he spent on his computer. To him all the important things before his trip were no longer important. He just saw a family receive a home and everything else melted away.

Brent died in a car accident on his way to college that summer.

His mom and his family are grateful that Brent came to Juarez and that God changed his heart before he took him home. The church has since more then double the numbers of people they bring on their Mexico mission trips. They may have never come to Juarez if he had not signed up for that trip. He may have never seen God I such close way if he had not decided to come.

when it comes time to say good-bye

2006-01-16T07:34:00.000-07:00

After three and a half years I still get a lump in my throat when it comes time to say good-bye.

It is amazing the to see the strength of the emotional attachment that can take place in two, three, and four-day work tips. The boy above played and worked with the group from Anderson Indiana for three days. Now the work is done and it is time to leave. The joy that was there not fifteen minute before has been replaced by pain. The pain of knowing he may never see this girl again.

My heart aches at moments like this, and yet I find tremendous joy in knowing that the work we do here has such an impact on everyone involved. It is not something easily explained, but if you ever get to experience it will take your breath away.

God your power still amazes me.

Is the tank empty yet? ...

2006-01-12T14:17:00.000-07:00

God is amazing to me. You would think by now I would know that his power is beyond all of my imagination. And yet I continue to be completely blown away by his provision.

Jackie and I had planned to take the family to Arizona for Christmas this year. We knew it would be tight Financially but we were just going to trust that God would provide for our needs.

The day before we were going to leave my Grandmother passed away. She had cancer and we were expecting that it could happen, but I have to say that I really expected her to be around longer.

With the funeral and Christmas so close together, I knew my mom would have a lot on her mind and a ton of work needing to be done. So, I decided to extend our stay so we could help out.

We had a total of $100.00 to make the trip happen. I truly expected God to come through for us, but not the way he did. Most times God provides for us through some generous individual that gives us an unexpected gift. That was not the case when we left our home in El Paso, Texas. We still only had $100.00 to get to Arizona and back.

I planned to drive slow and try to get as good of gas mileage as I could. I had done it before but never quite made the whole trip on one tank. We budgeted ten dollars for the five of us to eat dinner on during the trip. Which meant we were going eat off the dollar menu at McDonald's. We stopped in Deming, New Mexico for dinner. Jackie ordered our meal and the rest of us made use of the restrooms. When I got to the counter the person taking our order told us that the card reader was not working. We had no cash, so we told them we would have to go somewhere else. While we were waiting for everyone to get out of the restroom the manager told us that she was going to fill our order and that we did not need to pay for it. She gave us our order and said Merry Christmas. Jackie and I knew it was God. We thanked her and got back on the road.

I was hoping we would get passed Lordsburg, New Mexico before the gas gauge dropped below half a tank. To my amazement we made it just out side of Safford, Arizona before the needle finally dropped under the half tank mark. I was amazed and started monitoring the gas mileage more closely thinking that we might actually have a chance to make it on one tank. The closer we got the more excited I became I was watching a miracle and I knew it. It is one thing to look back at a miracle and finally see it, but quite another to see it while it is taking place. When we finally pulled into my parent’s driveway I still had a quarter of a tank. I was blown away. But God did not stop there.

Because of the funeral there were quite a few people in town so we made arrangements stay at a friends house. So, after letting my dad know that we were in town safely, we got back in the car and headed over our friends house. When I looked at the gas gauge I noticed it had risen about an eighth of a tank. I got excited all over again. The next morning the same thing happened. In all, the quarter tank that we had when we got into town lasted two full days and we did a good share of driving on it. My brother-in-law gave us a gift of $60.00, which helped with some meals while we were there. For that, we were very grateful

We bought one tank of gas while we were in town and one more for the return trip. The van was loaded down with things we were bringing home to the point that we had to put a good amount on the roof. With that in mind I did not expect to get the same gas mileage on the return trip, and the gas mileage counter on the van agreed but we pulled into our driveway with a quarter tank left.

Praise God.

It is that time again...

2006-01-06T17:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

My mind has been nagging me to get this letter written. I do long to share with you all that goes on here. Unfortunately, I tend to be somewhat of a perfectionist when it comes to sharing my thoughts. So, getting things down on paper is sometimes harder then I think it should be.

I have wanted for some time now to share with you something from other areas of the ministry. What I do is only a small part of what goes on at Amor. Jon Wilson, one of the field staff in Tiajuana, has allowed me to share his thoughts with you. While he holds the same position as I do, I felt that what he had to say was very moving. It is a great reminder that even though we are working to bring God’s kingdom to the people of Mexico, the people of Mexico are bringing His kingdom to us.

"And More On That...
Last week I wrote about our material delivery in Puerto Peñasco. At the end of the post, I briefly alluded to the interaction with families during that part of the trip as the first time the
families are assured their hopes of receiving a home would be realized. Then I chickened out by saying I would write more on that later. Well, I guess this is later.

In the lunchroom/wharehouse area of the Amor Ministries office is a large poster of a former trip participant in the embrace of a young Mexican child. If any of you have been around this ministry, been on mission trips with us, or received mailings from us, you have seen the photo. We use it a ton. In the upper right corner of this particular poster is added one of the Amor slogans, which reads, "Hope is a cement floor. Hope is four strong walls. Hope is a roof that doesn’t leak." Altogether, it is a nice and evocative piece of advertising.

Unfortunately, I tend to be a scoffer. Not a scoffer in the extremely cynical, pessimistic, why try cuz your efforts are futile sense; but more the sarcastic, side comment to make someone laugh and shake their head at me kind of scoffer. Thus, as such scoffing goes, I would find myself standing near the poster making statements like, "If hope is four strong walls, then why
do we build seven?" or, "If hope is a cement floor, why did we go with the parquet?" or better yet, "Hope must be a cement floor, ‘cause linoleum is hopeless." Yes, I do realize none of these are as funny as they sound in my head. Nothing ever is.

Fortunately, my scoffings with regard to the poster have recently been laid aside. The two weeks we were in Peñasco did it for me. It started during material delivery and continued through the completion of the projects. For the first time in four years I allowed myself to see the physical change in people who are being blessed. When the trucks rolled up in front of
the families and the first boards were taken down and placed in neat stacks on the ground in front of them, I could actually see people lifted from the inside-out. Behind tears I saw a spark. In sighs of relief I heard prayers of thanksgiving. We hadn’t even started yet.

As the week rolled by and groups arrived and began construction, the changes were magnified and multiplied. One mother walked slowly around with a sad downcast face that all too well displayed the hardships of her life. When the group arrived to begin construction, one woman participant immediately noticed the pain in her face, approached her and gave her a big hug. By the last day, she could do nothing but smile and laugh. There was a quickness in her step that had not been there a few days before. She would readily jump in to help in the building of her new house. A softness began to show on her face. And there was something in her eyes....dare I say it was hope?

I don’t think the actual definition of hope is anything as tangible as cement floors, strong walls, and a roof that doesn’t leak. And I’m not going to look it up. I do think however (and by think I mean KNOW), that a mother who can sweep her floor and find something under the sand (besides more sand), who doesn’t have to worry if her house will collapse in a strong wind, who knows her children will be dry in the next rainstorm, she can think about something else
for a change.... maybe even the future." - Jon Wilson

Sometimes it is easy to forget what we are doing. I often find myself pondering the questions I am so frequently asked about Amor. In general, most ask about the evangelical value of our ministry. (In other words they feel we need to preach not build). I admit there are days that I wonder if I am making a difference. Are people really getting to see Jesus? Those days are generally days that I forget to take the time to look into the eyes of those whom we serve. It is in those eyes that I see the answer. If when we feed the hungry, clothe the poor, and quench the thirsty, we do these things to Jesus himself, so if we build a home are we not building a home for Him? It is a powerful ministry when people come together to build the hope Jon speaks of. I stand ashamed of the days I doubt that power. Puerto Peñasco was a great time of affirmation to me as well, because not only are those we build for affected, but also sometimes people who have little connection with the ministry itself.

Kevin King and his wife Nona were members of our small group bible study, before we left for El Paso, TX. He and the other members of our group watched as Jackie and I changed following our first mission trip. He got a first hand view of the struggle we went through following our second mission trip when we became aware of God calling. (Was this something we really wanted to do?) That was the point in my life that I finally stopped fighting with God and told him that what ever he asked, I would do. You would think that is where the struggle ends. Fortunately, it was not. I had no Idea what I was doing or getting myself into. I went about things backwards, first talking with ministries (and deciding for Amor) and then going to the church. (Not at all a good Idea)

So there I go into the church, expecting them to send me because I was so set on serving God. The church was kind, but not knowing me, they didn’t really respond as soon as would have hoped. Adding to that Amor had a new human resource person who was handling my entrance, and communication broke down between the three parties. I am positive now that my part should have been much larger but at the time I did not see it.

I was set to begin in El Paso by January so that I could be trained for the spring. So acting on faith, knowing I did not have the support I needed, I quit my job and came to find a place to live In El Paso. It was there I learn that both the church and Amor had some serious reservations about me coming when I did. Amor had failed to tell me that I was required to raise a certain percent of support before coming. And the church told Amor about their reservations of not really knowing me, but this also failed to reach me until I had already quit my job and started looking for a place to live. Talk about panic setting in. (God is this not what you asked me to do or was it all my idea?)

I came home to talk with the church and we agreed to wait six months before coming. So, left without a job or a place to live we tried to settle back in. It took a while but God took care of us getting me two jobs to cover our expenses and an understanding landlord who allowed us to stay past our lease. All the while our small group stood by and watched and prayed for us. Obviously, we did arrive in El Paso, and the experience proved to be a great faith builder for me. But, unknown to me was how it affected Kevin. I recently found out in Puerto Peñasco.

I was surprised to see him there walking across the sandy bit of cleared desert we call camp. He almost passed me by, but I was not about to let that happen. He had come on the trip to take photos for the church. The whole trip would have been worth it just seeing that one person. Although, I was blessed to see more then a few familiar faces, and what Kevin shared with me made any struggle I went though getting here worth every minute.

He told me that when we made our decision to become missionaries that he remembers telling his wife that he would never do what we were doing. The idea of going to a foreign country to sweat away at building houses for anyone was something he feared God might ask of him, and he was not about to agree to that. But he lost a secure job, and went in on a business venture with an unreliable partner that never left the ground. He was sinking deeper and deeper, and could feel the pressure mounting. He told me that he wanted to turn it over to God, but he just could not bring himself to do it, because of that fear of God asking something of him that he did not want to do. But through watching our struggle God worked on his heart and he was able to finally break down and surrender his will to God, and ask God what He wanted from him.
Since then God has awaked a desire in him to work in photography and given him a booming wedding photography business. God has placed him in numerous positions to share his story with others, and he just wanted to take the time to thank me for my faith. I am so thankful that anything I went through could help another. I had no idea that God used me then. (It is amazing to me that I did not ruin the witness considering all the frustration I felt.) Four years have past now and knowing what I now know, I could not be more thankful for that time of struggle and frustration.